pain or not, i would most likely walk around in a suicidal reverie the rest of my life, never actually doing anything about it. was there
a psychological term for that? was there a disease that involved intense desire to die, but no will to actually go through with it? couldn't talk
and thoughts of suicide be considered a whole malady of their own, a special subcategory of depression in which the loss of of a will to live
has not quite been displaced by a determination to die? in those pamphlets that they give at mental health centers where they list ten or so
symptoms that would indicate a clinical depression, "suicide threats" or even simple "talk of suicide" is considered cause for concern. i guess
the point is that what's just talk one day may become real activity the next. so perhaps after these years of walking around with
these germinal feelings, these raw thoughts, these scattered moments of saying i wish i were dead, eventually i too,
sooner or later, would succumb to the death urge.
- elizabeth wurtzel, prozac nation